5 sayings we use to justify making the wrong moves in life
There are always times when we’re fully aware that the choice we’re about to make isn’t the best one. But instead of pressing the pause button and making a course correction…we decide to stay on the path that will ultimately lead us to the Sunken Place. Or, instead of admitting that we’ve made the wrong decision, we get defensive about our actions and try to rationalize our behavior.
As repeat offender of this myself, I know I can’t be the only one out there.
We’ve all done it. No matter the reason for it, we all have pushed down that inner voice saying (sometimes screaming) not to go the route of immediate gratification. But when we do decide to take a trip, here are 5 excuses that we use to justify our decisions.
1. “I deserve to be happy.”
Now, no one is saying that you don’t deserve the right to seek a happy, healthy lifestyle. However, this phase gets recycled a lot by folks who would rather chase after the here and now by damaging their long-term happiness.
But here’s the kicker, when you actually find yourself demanding that you deserve happiness, you need to run a self-check that you aren’t just chasing after the short-term. Keep your goals and values in mind to prevent yourself from choosing momentary pleasure in place of long-term satisfaction. Sometimes the sacrifice has to be made.
2. “I’d rather beg for forgiveness than ask for permission.”
As a male POC (person of color), I hear this one a lot. When someone has already decided that they’re going to go the hard way or die trying, it’s easy to adopt this mindset. But ladies and gentleman, here’s the deal. If you really believed that what you’re doing (or about to do) is the best possible choice, why would you need to ask for forgiveness in the first place?
What this actually tends to be is a passive-aggressive way to ignore confrontation (from one passive-aggressive guy to all of my people out there).
What we need to do is this: before we make a decision, carefully consider the potential consequences of our behavior, including how it could damage a relationship. After that, if you believe in it strongly enough, then move forward with your chest held out because there will be no need to fake an apology at a later.
3. “You only live once.”
In a non-funny kind of way, YOLO is usually uttered right before someone puts their life in jeopardy: Should I really mess with my friend’s Ex? YOLO. It’s also used to rationalize the need for immediate gratification: Should I take another shot of this liquor? YOLO.
I’m not saying you can’t have fun. But there has to be a fine balance between the risk and long-term rewards. Figure out what the risks are and take time to consider how this type of thinking could could hurt you in the long run. You have to think about the long game.
4. “Hey, I’m just being honest.”
There are times when someone calls out another person over their rude or unkind words, people proclaim that they’re just keeping it real or hitting you with the facts. While the truth can hurt, there really isn’t a need to be overly harsh to people. Honesty does not always need to come at the expense of other people’s feelings.
Before hitting people with harsh realities of the world, balance your goal to be direct with the person versus the person’s right to be treated with respect. This can be the fine line between friendly criticism and rude, negative feedback.
5. “I don’t care what anybody thinks.”
While it’s correct to avoid trying to cater to everyone, this does not mean that you shouldn’t be mindful of what others think about you. To completely disregard everyone else’s feelings around you is usually followed by a psychiatric visit, followed by a diagnosis of a personality disorder. In fact, we should care about other’s outlook on us.
While you shouldn’t hold a vote with your family on your next major decision, if friends or family express concerns to you about your life, make time. Be willingly to listen.
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